A Ranking

I’ve been through many holiday seasons, and I still have trouble getting into it. I’ve been attempted to figure out why through much soul searching, and I feel like so much of it goes back to the existential dread that Charlie Brown felt about Christmas in the Peanuts Christmas special. Even back in 1963, there was an ambivalence toward “peace on earth, good will to men”. Of course, if you consider the time period, we were just out of Korea, Vietnam was heating up, the Cold War was going on, so the dread felt by Charlie Brown could simply have been the fear of getting drafted.

My opinions about the holidays in this order because:

1. The proliferation of the internet and near-instantaneous distribution channels have made “Black Friday” moot. And don’t bring “Cyber Monday” and “Giving Tuesday” into this mix, folks.
2. Most technology is only useful in serving nihilistic goals.
3. There are very few good Christmas Songs, and the one you’re thinking of isn’t one of them.
4. It doesn’t really matter whether Jesus was born as the Bible says he was or not. It doesn’t change belief nor faith for those who hold either. It’s only for those who don’t believe that it seems to matter.
5. Tamales are better than ham at Christmas. Fight me.
6. I will gladly collect an original Chistmas song over another rendition of Carol of the Bells.
7. Do you remember your best Christmas gift? I don’t.
8. Do you receive more than you give?
9. Living in a southern state gives me a feeling of unreasonable expectations around Christmastime. It will most likely not snow. There will never be sleigh bells. And the halls that get decked are the ones in my subdivision. They’re approximately 12 feet long and filled already with LIVE LAUGH LOVE signs appropriated from Etsy.
   
   Despite all of this, I am genuinely thankful. This last year was a year of firsts: first neurosurgery– first surgery of any kind, actually. First “meet the kid’s significant other”. First contemplation that I too am just another speck of dust in this large, cold universe.
   
   So fear not, for I bring you tidings of great joy.